Thursday, October 9, 2008

On Fatigue

I'm tired. Beat down. The weather has taken its turn for the overcast worst, and I'm waking up in the darkness again. The kids at school are equally beat down, and so it comes out in their behavior, which calls for more energy and effort on my part. I have meetings, after-school activities, and I have been looking for a new place to live as I have to move out in about a month.

So I'm exhausted and haven't had a whole lot of energy left over for well-thought-out posts on the race experience from my personal perspective. Not that I'm not thinking about it or confronted by it every damn day, but I just don't have the push to write it down (and to do it well). Bad timing, considering I'm finally getting some real traffic on this site, but you do what you can do, and I have to keep my creative lyrical writings (and performance) going, as well - and they take priority these days.

Point being? I'll get back to action soon, but I'm tired, and so I'm just giving a heads-up. However, as tired as I am, those folds at the corner of my eyes are NOT a result of fatigue.

I'm saying that because I found myself typing "epicanthal folds" into my Google search the other day to make sure I was spelling it right, and this is the third entry that popped up: "Epicanthal folds - symptoms, causes, tests." Every other site is still about epicanthal folds from a medical standpoint, but the wording was just perfect for that one.

Yup. Another beautiful example of the "being 'other' in America" syndrome. Considering the billions of people on the Asian continent (and the fact that many African-American folks, indigenous peoples, etc. all have them, too) - you'd think that epicanthal folds might fall into a category of a NORMAL human attribute. That the first consideration isn't of their medical import, but of their typicality when it comes to (perhaps) a majority of people in the WORLD.

And yet: "Epicanthal Folds - Symptoms, Causes, Tests." I'd like to know what kind of TEST I could ask for for MY slanted eyes. Maybe I have Down or Fetal Alcohol Syndrome.

Because it couldn't be that I'm NORMAL. No. It's something to be worried about, because, obviously, the people using the internet are white people. White people who have "normal" eyelids without these pesky folds at the corners, and the only reason any of these "normal" eyed folks would possibly be typing that phrase into a computer would be to figure out WHAT IS WRONG with them or somebody they love.

Do I really need to say anything more to make my point? Does this make clear just how omnipresent the messages that identify white as the "norm" are in this country (and world, to some extent)? And does it give you all a moment's thought on what it might be like growing up in this country when you don't fit into the understood category of "normal"?

Yeah. That's another reason I'm tired.

No comments: