Words are not Enough

This post has nothing to do with Cho Seung-Hui, but it might give all you non-Asian folks a slight idea of what kind of frustrations could cause a Korean kid in this country to lash out in such a terrible way.

This video makes the point more strongly than anything an adult could ever write. I wanted to cry and take this kid under my wing, tell him what's up and show him something different . . . wondering if it really is any different, as an adult (because I definitely could have made a pretty similar video when I was a kid).

THIS is how this country teaches Asian kids to think of themselves:

http://www.slanteyefortheroundeye.com/2008/11/video-ups-and-downs-of-being-asian.html

On Fire

I'm back. Back from Central Oregon. Back in Regular-Internet-Access Land. And it's time to get this blog back in order because it looks like I lost my readership over the last month. We'll see what I can do about that.

Anyway, I spent the last month working at an arts camp. Of course, that statement does no justice whatsoever to the work I was really a part of - because this place is far beyond an "Arts Camp." We serve primarily "at-risk" kids (I still hate that term, but it gets my point across) in a sort of relationship-based program that echoes the style of the school I teach at. It's not hippies in the woods (although there's some of that). We bring hip-hop and consciousness, as well. We work with the kids year-round to keep them in school and safe. We bring artists from diverse backgrounds (we actually have professional artists of color that teach there). We work hard to represent the kids we work with.

So, all that said, we have a contingent of Native American kids (from the Warm Springs res) that come to camp each year (our kids are about half from Central Oregon, half from Portland). And, luckily for us, we have a Native American staff member, as well (Klamath tribe). We'll call him "S." S just so happens to be a good friend of mine (a bond formed in the last four years of us working together at this camp). The two of us actually get confused by kids (and staff, sometimes). Not because we look like each other (because we don't, at all - not even similar body-types), but because of our skin-tones and racial "ambiguity." We're not black. We're not white. So we must be the same thing.

Obviously, I have no qualms talking about race with people. Neither does he. And we both love bringing up issues of race and cultural diversity with the folks around us (especially when educating "well-meaning white folks"). We also both feel that kids are smart enough to be exposed to a bit of unvarnished truth from time to time - and that kids of color NEED that.

And so, we collaborated on a spoken-word piece that we performed at camp (for the kids, staff, and - best of all - donors and board members) that I'm going to share here. Granted, it hits much harder when performed out loud, but reading it gets the point across. His lines are those in normal type. Mine are in italics. Lines that we speak together are in bold.

Nothing more to be said. Enjoy:

I’m angry that my people are still suffering
From genocidal tactics and unnecessary killing
Unwilling to share with us our own homeland
Banned from the sacred places we used to roam
Home is no longer here among our war parties

And hardly mentioned in that history is the part my own played
Hair in coolie braids, train tracks run over our backs – until none of HIS land remained
The only truly successful colony – made with the blood of my people and slaves
Then claimed as “free” by those with European names

Treaties were broken, remaining only to cause us pain
So much has been taken, barely leaving us with a name
Fame has been given to cowardly cowboys
Who got their strength from numbers no value in the coup
True to nothing least of all their word
It wasn’t a voice that leapt from their tongues though; it was more like a poisonous disease
Or maybe it was a disease working its way through our water with ease
Teasing us with false promises
The land and water weren’t enough though
Next they ravaged the plains and took the buffalo
Now many were starving and thirsty
Our land plagued, animals slaughtered, and our water dirty
Soon they would be coming in great numbers
Promised freedom and all the riches they could lust for
Their true intentions lied with the cavalry and George Armstrong Custer
Under false pretenses they started killing using all the strength they could muster
They wanted to rid the land of us savages it mattered not if they were women or children
They tried to kill us all. They had such hate for our red skin

And within few textbooks will you read our suffering
Ever hear about the Rape of Nanking?
That’s rhetorical, because I know you didn’t
Hundreds of thousands died in weeks – but nobody was listening
Rape, murder, torture – but Western ears heard not a word
You know the Holocaust – God rest their souls
But Asian lives lost – and y’all just shrug your shoulders
Burmese slaughtered right now, crying out – and half the world just moves right on

Been suffering far too long
They tried to have my entire race erased through genocide
Historical trauma left to take care of the rest through homicide and suicide
We were forced onto reservations without hesitation
Devastation ensued as we were moved from territory to territory
Our freedom fading like a distant memory
Sovereignty has been the common goal
But it has been hard, because as a whole we have been relocated and terminated
Our culture deemed uncivilized until it was generalized that we were one with the land and people became fascinated

Culturally appropriated –
Sip green tea in a Buddhist monastery with a neck-tat of Chinese calligraphy
Do they really even know what it means?
“Pan-Asian” only exists in their restaurants, we’re completely different ethnicities
While the less-palatable aspects of Asian-ness are cast aside
Like those “submissive” Asian women, tried, used, and made trophy wives
Fetishes as dimly veiled racism mixed with sexism
Call me “exotic” one more time, and we’ll see that I don’t need kung-fu to show how I feel about Orientalism

Alcoholism became our trademark, or what we were famous for
More to get away from the memories of abuse and neglect that have been trickling down from generation to generation

Caucasian barbarians brought us opium to enslave us in our own nation
Bigger guns deemed more “civilized” by Western “civilization”
And now they call us “foreign” and fight immigration
Because our labor isn’t cheap enough when we’re here
Keep us far away, so they can wear their slick sweat-shop gear
Without feeling sick inside
Because they don’t have to see the blood that gets ripped from yellow hands
Then drips into all the unnecessary garbage they buy

And yet here I am with my head held high
Setting a good example for young Natives to live by

And I – I just want you to broaden your minds
Mostly with love, sometimes with fire – I remind everyone about history’s true racial ties

Showing them the positive standards and morals in which I live my life
So that one day I might be the one they look to in moments of strife

And I can be a strong Asian voice to help the shy ones to rise
Helping them realize we can stand up and non-violently fight
Exclusion by the majority

Constantly thriving to be a positive member in my under represented minority
Hoping one day I’ll be a brown role model in a position of authority.

On Not Being Chinese

So. We've established that I am not white. Good for me, right? Which brings the follow-up question for a bi-racial (white/Chinese) guy - then am I Chinese?

The short answer? No.

Now let's get into the long answer.

We'll start off by handling semantics real quick. Obviously, being born in the U.S., I can't possibly be literally Chinese. Therefore, for the sake of expedience, when I say "Chinese," I actually mean "Chinese-American."

By blood, then, I am Chinese. My mom was born in China. That makes my blood (half of it) Chinese. But, as I argued with my "Not White" post, we all know that blood doesn't really have that much say in regards to race in this country. A large part of it is experience, and that's where my answer lies.

Granted, I grew up with some Chinese influence. My grandmother tried to teach my brother and I to read and write Chinese (to my knowledge - it was a long time ago - Mandarin, although my family is from Shanghai). For most of my conscious life, my grandparents lived in Oakland Chinatown, where we would visit them somewhat regularly. My grandmother taught Tai-Chi and I was given her sword after her death. As she got older, my grandma would forget that I didn't speak Chinese and would hold "conversations" with me in Chinese (I think Shanghai-ese). At home, we ate tons of rice and used chopsticks relatively often. I got somewhat used to seeing "strange" things eaten around me (although, I was mostly picky about eating the same).

There's a little bit more to it, but not a whole lot. Because I mainly grew up in white American culture. My schools were largely white (although, being the Bay Area, there was still a decent number of Asian - mostly Chinese - folks around). My friends - when I was little - were mostly white. It wasn't until I grew older that my circle of friends stopped being so dominated by white kids. My home life was mostly a white way of life with a dash of rice, soy sauce, and chopsticks. I failed to learn to read or write Chinese characters, and I never learned the language (any dialect thereof).

So many of the experiences that tend to connect a person to some sort of true "Chinese-ness" were denied me. My appearance didn't really help, either, as - to full-blood Chinese folks - I didn't look "Chinese" at all. My grandmother's friends would often question her about me and my brother when we were in Chinatown. I always felt tall and white while visiting her. Early on (this was before my conscious memories), my grandmother referred to me and my brother as "the shame of the family" because of our mix.*

Due to this, I have never felt fully connected to my Chinese blood. I have found myself trying, in recent years, to bridge that gap, but it is difficult.** Because of my ambiguous look (I'm just as likely to be thought of as a number of other races other than Asian - let alone Chinese), I've never been fully accepted by "real" Chinese. Sure, I can connect on some levels, but there are a number of ways that I am the "third-rate Asian sell-out" that some Asian kids at my high school accused me of being. I'm working to remedy that, but it's not so easy to do, considering my background.

And so, when thinking about my Chinese-ness, it really comes to the culture. I am not white from experiences generally based on my physical traits and how that makes people interact with me. But, with my Chinese side, I feel "not Chinese" because of my limited connection to Chinese (and now I'm talking more of "true" Chinese and not just "Chinese-American") culture. I think the lack of language plays a HUGE part of that (as I strongly believe no true understanding of a people can take place without being able to speak their language fluently).***

I also think my visual disconnect in appearance greatly contributed to my internal disconnect. Since I felt like I didn't "look Chinese,"**** since I so often was mistaken for something else, since I received numerous messages telling me I wasn't "really Chinese" - it all led to me not embracing it as my own. To keeping distance between myself and a full effort to incorporate Chinese culture into my way of being. And that created a "vicious circle" situation that fed upon itself.

And so only after my Chinese grandmother's death (she was the last of my grandparents) did I make the conscious decision to start becoming "more Chinese." To start really making Chinese culture part of who I am on a more "real" level. Now, I actually know a little bit of what Chinese New Year is about - and I celebrate it in a way I never did as a kid. Again - I'm learning the language and planning on living in China sometime soon (within the next year or two). I've considered learning a Chinese martial art.***** And I believe that if I follow through on all these things, I may actually become more Chinese. Not fully - not ever can I be fully Chinese, due to my mix - but much more than I am now.

And I am excited for that prospect. To understand that half of myself and my family in a way that I never have before. To honor that side. And, as I am somebody who follows through on things once I've made a decision, it will happen.

But - until then - I'm not quite Chinese, either. More Chinese than white, for sure - but still with a lot further to go.

* She got over it, becoming fiercely proud of our accomplishments in later life. I think the fact that all of my married cousins have white spouses contributed to that.

** Finally trying to learn Chinese (Mandarin, simply because that makes the most sense), planning a long-term visit to China, etc.

*** When living in Tanzania, it was the mastery of Swahili that made my mind switch into "Tanzania-mode." Automatically using various turns-of-phrase and expressions and exclamations changed not only how I spoke, but how I looked out into the world. I still find myself slipping back into a "Tanzania mind-set" when I speak (or, much more often) write or read Swahili. And yes, I am fully aware of the irony that I speak Swahili fluently, but am barely a beginner in Chinese - that's for another day.

**** Personally, I feel like I look more Japanese in terms of body-build and overall facial appearance (especially when I have my quasi-facial hair going).

***** I told Ah-Boo (my grandmother) once that I was going to start learning Tai-Chi, and she responded with shock, "Why would you do that!? Tai-Chi is for old people!" And that effectively ended my Tai-Chi drive (once I'm much older, though, I plan on returning to it).

Chinese is the new "Black" (in South Africa)

By now, many of you out there will have heard the news from about a week or so ago: Chinese South Africans now qualify as legally "black." That's right. To allow Chinese people to benefit from anti-apartheid laws that are currently in effect to help restore balance for black, Indian, and "coloured" (mixed) South Africans, the South African government decided to define Chinese as "black."

Couldn't they have just added "Chinese" to the list, you may ask? Probably. But they didn't. Instead - Chinese South Africans are black South Africans (incidentally, Japanese people are still "white").

Let's say that one more time: Chinese South Africans are now black South Africans.

Obviously, I have a million tongue-in-cheek responses to this news (and so did a number of other people). I could talk about how I now connect on an even deeper level to Barack Obama and am proud to have somebody that so directly represents me running for president. I can talk about how it may now be easier for me to get people to listen to some of the hip hop I write/record. I could ask philosophical questions: so, does China now count as an "African" country? Or, are black folks now Asian?

It would probably be pretty amusing, I'm sure. However, this news actually struck me in a different way - it made me think to myself: what if Chinese people really WERE universally considered black (by themselves and all those outside looking in, including black people)? And that's what I want to speak to (especially in light of some recent comments/discussion regarding my interracial dating posts).

Let's start this out from the Chinese perspective (since that's the closest to what I've got).

First of all, imagine the sudden squashing of so much racism and stereotypes between Chinese and black people. And, since Chinese stereotypes tend to be extended to all other Asian people - for them, too. All those stand-up routines by black comedians imitating Asian shop-keepers? Done. "Norbit" and other pre-dominantly black movies that get their licks in on Asian stereotypes? Finished.

And for the Asians - no longer would Asian parents across the world forbid their children to marry black men/women. No longer would they hold up their own horrid racial hierarchies with black people at or near the bottom. Imagine the joy in seeing a wrinkled Chinese grandmother exhorting her grandchildren to "find a good black man/woman to marry."

Suddenly, China would have a lot less interest in flooding African countries with health-risk chemicals and products. Instead of trying to take advantage of these countries as a stepping-stone in their own attempt at rising as an economic power, the Chinese government would be in a position to pass on their skills and lessons learned as a poverty-stricken nation on the rise. Suddenly - we may see somebody with a little bit of money and power actually start CARING about helping the African continent - not for greed and influence, but to bring up their ethnic family.

If Chinese were considered black, the NAACP would actually care when wrongdoing affected Asian folks. And Chinese (and, again, by proxy other Asian) Americans would get a sudden huge lift in strength regarding civil rights. No longer would people talk about how Asian-Americans have no power or power movement -as they would become part of the strongest movement in America.

Suddenly, there would be one BILLION more black people for the world to contend with - how that would make a lot of national leaders piss themselves . . .

Suddenly, ancient "black" civilizations would be responsible for an overwhelming portion of later western success and educational history. Black people would have not only been the first people, in general, but the first to write their history, as well.

Alternatives to Euro-centric education wouldn't be at the cost of either African OR Chinese history. Liberal white folks the world over would be appropriating the best of "traditional" black philosophy and religion (Zen Buddhism, Taoism, etc.).

"Pan-Asian" cuisine would be a hell of a selection. And Chinese New Year would be a hell of a party.

So many changes would sweep this world. And so many of them positive.

Because I think one of the biggest problems facing civil rights movements of today is humanity's inherent lack of appreciation and acknowledgment of the "other side." Obviously, that is highlighted between black and white, but it's the separation between various oppressed peoples that hurts the most. Asian from Arab. Latin@ from black. Native American from Pacific Islander. Immigrants from citizens. And everything in between.

People tend to focus on their own experiences and problems - and either ignore or discount those of other people. Asian folks don't do the work to understand how the black experience differs from their own and how their own prejudices roll over into - and contribute negatively towards - that experience. Black folks don't take a step back to realize that their mistrust of foreigners increases their obstacles to equality. EVERYBODY ignores or forgets about Native Americans (unless taking a jaunt down stereotyped lanes of idealistic "memory").

How can people expect to be taken seriously when fighting for their own rights while they ignorantly trample others in the meantime? How can I admire and/or fight for somebody not of my own race if they don't take the time to honor my own? How can men of color expect to end their struggle for understanding while they push their own women down?

It makes no sense, logically. And yet we all do it - all the time. Because we are naturally self-centered, and it takes so much to be able to break that down.

So imagine if one huge barrier got knocked down with Chinese and black becoming one? What would be the repercussions? I see it as race-barrier dominoes falling against each other, slowing picking up speed until there truly was just ONE movement - for everybody to have a shot on an even playing field. Period. No qualifiers needed.

And I know this sounds frighteningly similar to the idea of "color-blindness," but it is absolutely NOT. I am dreaming of a situation in which everyone is equally interested in knowing the other side and respecting it. If Chinese were black, Chinese would actually care about African history - black people would want to learn about Chinese culture. Fully investigating the differences in experience and point of view and coming to grips with that. Not IGNORING race or other differences, but truly caring enough to go there (perhaps, painfully) to get some insight.

And the only way I see that ever truly happening is if something like this really occurred: if Chinese became the new black. Can't really happen, I know, but isn't it such a wonderful idea? So here's to South Africa and their strange experiment and the dreams that may come as a result:

I may not be half-black (or Latin@, Native American, Arab, or otherwise), but that should never stop me from doing everything in my power to learn what it would mean if that was, indeed, the case. And I hope it doesn't stop any of you. So - wherever you're at - and whoever you are - raise up your fist with me and pledge to actually ask somebody else about their experiences without trying to talk about your own (on this blog, sure, but also in real life). Because that's when knowledge becomes power.